Category Archives: Being a Better Man

A Few New Year’s Resolutions for 2012

Posted on by Kenway Du
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Every new year that rolls around, you probably spend ten minutes writing up a list of resolutions that is comprised mostly of stuff you wrote down last year.

Which is normal. You get that surge of motivation that this year is going to be different. You’ll be more productive, try new things, and step on the stair-master.

If that hasn’t worked before, try this: think about all the lessons you’ve learned in 2011 and make a point to apply them for the next 365 days. Here are some of my lessons that can use to give yourself a head start:

1) What’s done is done. Focus on next steps.

It’s easy to dwell on your mistakes. It’s better to focus on fixing it or learning from it. You can’t be perfect, so stop killing yourself over it and move forward. Don’t miss out on opportunities because you’re regretting your mistakes.

2) Stay calm.

My manager frequently reminds me that “It’s only toilet paper, nobody’s gonna die over it.” Needless to say, I work in then pulp and paper industry. Anyway, his point was quite clear. Unless somebody’s life is on the line, you have the capacity to stay calm. Trust me.

3) Be nice, just because.

There is a lot of contradictory advice on how to be successful. Most people, especially in the corporate world, will tell you that being nice won’t get you anywhere. But that’s not quite true. What they mean to say is that you have to be assertive, be ruthless in your pursuit, and do what it takes to get things done. Don’t mix the two ideas up. I know plenty of successful people who are not assholes, and I’m sure you know some too if you think about it.

Use my 3 resolutions to give you a head start on your list. I’ll post my entire list once I figure it out (I know, delayed as always).

Happy new year and all the best. Remember, this is your year.

Embrace What You Like

Posted on by Kenway Du
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When you truly like something, it’s hard to ignore no matter how hard you try.
So stop trying to ignore it.

In the meager beginnings of my career (I’m talking early, like when I had acne), I tried to hide the fact that I like rap music.
When you work in a corporate setting, you get caught up in trying to impress your colleagues by how professional you are. You understand.

The most impressive people, however, embrace what (and/or who) they like and carry on with their day despite criticism.

Embrace what you like. I promise you’ll be happier and more confident.

What have you been hiding? Are you ready to embrace it?

Limitless: Are You Your Own Motivation?

Posted on by Kenway Du
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Over the past weekend, I was finally able to watch the film Limitless, starring Bradley Cooper, Robert De Niro, and Abbie Cornish.

I won’t spoil the movie, but to give you a synopsis, the title character Eddie Morra is a writer who struggles to motivate himself to make anything in his life happen.
He runs into his successful ex brother in-law and is given the secret to that success – a new chemical drug. As the old saying goes, “We only use 20% of our brains at any given time.” This drug allows you to access the other 80%, and having this access results in monumental success. The rest of the movie gets very clever that even if I give a spoiler, it won’t be spoiled.

This film unexpectedly motivated me more than anything else has within the last year. How do I access my 80%? What is my metaphorical drug?

This week has been a productive week. I’ve been thinking more clearly, more calmly, and more focused.
When I’m confronted with a task, my attitude is not tired and bitter, but energetic and inquisitive.

My drug, quite simply, is me. It is the possibility of being able to break that 20% brain-usage ceiling and acknowledging that I have the capability to push those limits.
Corny, but just believing that you can break those boundaries allows you to break those boundaries.

 

Give it a try. Push through that 20%. Find your drug. You might see that you already have it.

Misunderstanding and Hatred

Posted on by Kenway Du
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In World War II, everything was going wrong for Germany. They needed a way out.
So Hitler told them who to blame – the Jews. Now that they had someone to blame, they took it upon themselves to solve the problem through genocide.

Misunderstanding and hatred = Over 6 million Jews murdered

Now consider the situation for Muslims. Yes, some extremist groups have deployed some of the worst tragedies this world has ever seen.
But that was a small percentage of the total  Muslim population. And yet many people blame Muslims in general for American issues, at times when they have no relation to Muslims.
What happens if one day, a leader rises up who is capable of convincing one person to murder another.

Please think carefully before you generalize. Misunderstanding and hatred is a dangerous combination.
But understanding and kindness is a part of growing up.

On Conan O’Brien’s Dartmouth Commencement Speech

Posted on by Kenway Du
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Most people think of Conan O’Brien as a comedian who was shafted from his spot on NBC. Well – he’s still that. But if you’ve been following him over the past year, Conan has overcome great adversity to come out on top. He imparts the wisdom that he learned to the Dartmouth graduating class of 2011. Here are some of his notable words:

“Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.”

Sometimes we get caught up in being assholes just for the hell of it. Maybe we want to get ahead in the corporate world. Maybe we want to get on the subway first. And although an asshole can be more intimidating and seem more powerful, nobody wants to help him. So above all, be kind. Pair kindness together with hard and honest work and be ready to draw in opportunities as well as people you want to be around.

 

“Disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment, you can gain clarity. And with clarity comes conviction and true originality.”

Disappointment sucks, but it forces you to assess your situation. In the face of disappointment, we end up standing still and thinking “what the hell went wrong?”. Clarity. And after enough disappointment, you shake your head and tell yourself that you’re never going to let this happen again. Conviction. Then you take matters into your own hands and you mold solutions based on who you are as a person. True Originality.

 

“Whatever you think your dream is now, it will probably change. And that’s okay.”

This line spoken so matter-of-factly hits home hard for me, as I’m sure it does many of you. When I was young I wanted to be a scientist. One year I dared to dream that I would be a basketball player. Then highschool came and I wanted to be a computer programmer, but instead I went to UofT for Marketing, followed by a year of crafting myself to be a videographer. And now, I’m not sure what I want to be. And that’s okay. Because you will never know what you were meant to be until you become it.

 

“It is our failure to  become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It’s not easy but if you accept your misfortunate and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound reinvention.”

We’re obsessed about chasing perfection, the ultimate unattanaible ghost. What is your perceived ideal? The pinnacle of rich, sexy, successful, hated by many but loved by more, kind but powerful, considerate yet untouchable. Whatever your perfect self is, you’ll never reach it no matter how close you get. You’ll fall somewhere in between, and even though you may think this is not supposed to be who you are – and here’s the kicker – this is who you are. The beauty is that once you accept it, doors of opportunity for personal growth open up and who knows, you may become someone better than your previously percevied ideal.

 

Coco, you’re a smart guy. I appreciate the way you delivered the message without bullshit. To me, the message is loud and clear: stick to your guns and be yourself.

Things will happen once you accept your situation and once you accept who you are.

Life is About Balance

Posted on by Kenway Du
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I think life all comes down to balance.

Of course you need things like love, respect, understanding, effort, failure, etc. But balance is still required in all those categories.

Some people work excessively. Balance it with rest and enjoyment.
Some people fall in love quickly. Balance it with patience.
Some people like to point out others’ mistakes. Balance it with praise.
Some people are uptight and controlling. Balance it with relaxing and letting go.
Some people like to blame others. Balance it with self-evaluation.

The list goes on. You can speak about any aspect of life and there is always an element of balance in it. Continue to pursue balance and you’ll see that life will become more peaceful and more enjoyable for you.

A Real Man Has: Perseverance

Posted on by Kenway Du
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You don’t have to be perfect at what you do. We see it so often: A kid who plays basketball well except he can’t dribble; a guy who plays guitar but has trouble with certain chords; a man who is great at his job but is absent as a husband and a father. Then you fall into a slump where you lose your confidence and self-esteem, and the downhill gets steeper from there.

Nobody likes being in this position, and I guarantee that the majority of you, if not all, have been through this or are currently stuck in it. The only way out is perseverance.

The first step is acceptance. Accept the situation you are in. Don’t waste time moping and complaining about how your life sucks. It’s time to man up and move forward.

The second step is building the drive to get out of your stagnant situation. However, don’t it twisted – a drive is different than a want. A drive is a mental state of mind to prepare yourself effectively in order to achieve what you desire. So be disgusted at you’re your current situation and then start planning your way out.

Step three is to do it. Whether it is a sport, an instrument, or learning how to meet women, keep practicing – it can only make you better. And yes, it will get frustrating at times because it may seem like you’re not making progress. That’s why you must always remember to keep a light heart and have fun with it.

So remember to keep pressing on by accepting your situation, building the drive to get out of it, and then following through while having a good heart.

A Real Man Has: Respect

Posted on by Kenway Du
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A lot of men walk around with the wrong attitude. They think in order to be a respectable man, you have to be macho and intimidating; you have to reek of confidence; you have to bleed leadership. Of course, that’s not the case, nor will it ever be. What really makes a man respectable is showing respect to others. Respect for your world, respect for others, and respect for yourself.

Respect Your World

While we only live on this Earth for a handful of decades, we are still custodians of this place. Without a clean and functioning world, you are worth nothing. Not to sound cheesy, but take a minute and look around you. Appreciate the beauty.

Respect Others

I agree that respect is something that must be earned, but this also makes people think that they have to do extraordinary things to be respectful. What it really means is that you don’t have to respect someone from the get-go. But if they open a door for you, respect them by saying thank you. If they give up a seat for you on the subway, respect them. Small actions like those command respect because although you may be a complete stranger, they’ve treated you with respect.

Respect Yourself

The most important part of respect is respecting yourself. No matter how smart, cool, rich, or athletic you may be, if you don’t respect yourself, then having the respect of others doesn’t make a difference. You won’t be happy. To respect yourself, you need to be comfortable with who you are despite your faults. You need to confident in who you are despite your failures.

The old way of thinking is effective when you want people to do what you say out of fear. If you decide to be intimidating, people follow you because they’re afraid of the consequences if they don’t follow you. This is fear – not respect.

A real man respects his world, others, and himself. And because of this, his world and others will respect him in return.

The Mark of Manhood: Reconnecting with Your Family

Posted on by Kenway Du
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One of the marks of manhood that men often overlook is reconnecting with your family.

Last week, my cousin and her husband had a baby shower for their son’s one-month anniversary. His name is Ethan, and he’s the most precious thing I’ve ever seen. Joining the festivities were a few of the newly-made parents’ friends and a bunch of my relatives.

At earlier stages in my life, an occasion that involved spending time with my family and my relatives would be awkward. It was more like a chore, something that you had to do because of the fact that you were related. The baby shower, however, did not feel like a chore – not this time. I was excited to see my relatives, especially my cousins. It gave me a chance to rekindle, to relate, and to reconnect.

These are different times we live in. We all try so hard to network, keep up with our friends, and catch up on our TV shows that we often neglect the people we grew up with: family. I’m already 22, just past the stage of punking off my parents because of my need for teenage rebellion, but just before the stage of getting a career and starting a family. I probably only have a few years left to take the opportunity and spend time with my family, fill myself with generations of stories, and experience a type of love that is beyond understanding.

This is my challenge to you, and to myself: Reconnect with your family. Look back on that stage where you despised going out with your parents and realize that that immature time has past. It takes a true man to love his family. So reconnect.