Do what I did. Neglect them.
I recently had a job interview where I was asked to name one thing I would’ve changed from last year if I had the chance. And while it’s true that I don’t live life with any regrets, I decided to entertain her with the most honest answer I could give: neglecting friends.
How did I lose my friends?
First, I distanced myself from the clubbing scene. And because of that, I missed celebrating friends’ birthdays. Of course I never meant to hurt anyone’s feelings by not dropping by, but there are two reasons why I never came:
1) I don’t like getting drunk
I like the occasional drink, but anything past that and I’m known as an “angry drunk”. I’ll yell, confront, and even throw fists. And that’s not who I want to be.
2) I’m not single
Girls can go to clubs with other girls because they want to dance, but guys don’t do that. We dance with girls. And yes I could bring my girlfriend and dance with her, but at this point in my life, I’d rather slow dance with her on the beach than grind with her in front of other people.
Second, I quit trying to put my foot in all these different worlds. You see, many of the university friends that I made turned out to be passionate about things like technology, web 2.0, social media, and the like. I did my best to be involved, like visiting offices, researching, and helping out at events. But the more and more I did this, the more I realized that I couldn’t identify with these things, so I stopped identifying.
So what am I going to do now?
I’ll do my best to keep in touch, but I’ve come to accept the disconnection. As I continue on my path of personal growth, I realize that I can’t and shouldn’t force myself to be somewhere. When that happens, friendships become more of a political issue than a natural occurrence.
What I need people to understand
I take most of the blame, but a friendship is a two-way street. So just from personal experience, here are two things people need to understand:
1) I’m not the only one who disappears when I get into a relationship
You can talk behind my back, but I know what a lot of you are saying anyway. But it’s true; I do enjoy spending a lot of time with my girlfriend. But don’t be so quick to judge because you’d probably ask for the same type of understanding when you get into a relationship as well.
2) It’s difficult without a car
Face it. A lot of you don’t even leave your house when your car is in the shop or your parents won’t let you take the car. Taking the TTC from east Scarborough is no easy feat, and is impossible when it comes to events that happen uptown.
Excuses aside, I want to stay in touch with everybody, but these types of relationships evolve naturally, and sometimes they end. Knowing that, I will never hold a grudge and will always be willing to grab a coffee to catch up. Just know that my life is different now, and I like the place that I’m in.
Needless to say, I got a little too personal in my interview.