Life is About Balance

Posted on by Kenway Du
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I think life all comes down to balance.

Of course you need things like love, respect, understanding, effort, failure, etc. But balance is still required in all those categories.

Some people work excessively. Balance it with rest and enjoyment.
Some people fall in love quickly. Balance it with patience.
Some people like to point out others’ mistakes. Balance it with praise.
Some people are uptight and controlling. Balance it with relaxing and letting go.
Some people like to blame others. Balance it with self-evaluation.

The list goes on. You can speak about any aspect of life and there is always an element of balance in it. Continue to pursue balance and you’ll see that life will become more peaceful and more enjoyable for you.

It’s Okay to Work in a 9-5 Cubicle Job

Posted on by Kenway Du
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After reading some blog posts about finding your vocation in life, I realize that my beliefs and values were a little skewed. I used to think that corporate 9-5 jobs where you’re stuck in a cubicle is no way to live. And I would encourage those people to find what their true passions are in life and pursue it, because nobody grows up wanting to become a cubicle junkie hacking away at the Excel sheets, right?

What I didn’t realize is that a vocation or calling isn’t about something you were born to do. A vocation is more about something that excites and interests you regardless of how much it pays and whatever challenges it brings. A vocation utilizes your unique set of talents and skills AND (because the and is important) is driven by passion.

For example, let’s say your passion was for helping kids and families in poverty and that you were skilled in crunching numbers. A vocation for you could be analyzing data on the state of poverty in Toronto in order to make decisions that will help reduce the poverty rate. But what if this job involved you sitting in a cubicle to analyze the data and send out e-mails to connect with other similar organizations? Does this make it any less of a vocation for you? Probably not.

The cubicle, the 9-5, the Excel sheets – these are just small things in your environment. Sure, they may not be glamorous for some of you but if you’re in your calling, these things won’t matter.

Of course, I still encourage cubicle workers who DON’T like their jobs to go and find your vocation. And do it now, while you still have time.

A Real Man Has: Perseverance

Posted on by Kenway Du
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You don’t have to be perfect at what you do. We see it so often: A kid who plays basketball well except he can’t dribble; a guy who plays guitar but has trouble with certain chords; a man who is great at his job but is absent as a husband and a father. Then you fall into a slump where you lose your confidence and self-esteem, and the downhill gets steeper from there.

Nobody likes being in this position, and I guarantee that the majority of you, if not all, have been through this or are currently stuck in it. The only way out is perseverance.

The first step is acceptance. Accept the situation you are in. Don’t waste time moping and complaining about how your life sucks. It’s time to man up and move forward.

The second step is building the drive to get out of your stagnant situation. However, don’t it twisted – a drive is different than a want. A drive is a mental state of mind to prepare yourself effectively in order to achieve what you desire. So be disgusted at you’re your current situation and then start planning your way out.

Step three is to do it. Whether it is a sport, an instrument, or learning how to meet women, keep practicing – it can only make you better. And yes, it will get frustrating at times because it may seem like you’re not making progress. That’s why you must always remember to keep a light heart and have fun with it.

So remember to keep pressing on by accepting your situation, building the drive to get out of it, and then following through while having a good heart.

A Real Man Has: Respect

Posted on by Kenway Du
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A lot of men walk around with the wrong attitude. They think in order to be a respectable man, you have to be macho and intimidating; you have to reek of confidence; you have to bleed leadership. Of course, that’s not the case, nor will it ever be. What really makes a man respectable is showing respect to others. Respect for your world, respect for others, and respect for yourself.

Respect Your World

While we only live on this Earth for a handful of decades, we are still custodians of this place. Without a clean and functioning world, you are worth nothing. Not to sound cheesy, but take a minute and look around you. Appreciate the beauty.

Respect Others

I agree that respect is something that must be earned, but this also makes people think that they have to do extraordinary things to be respectful. What it really means is that you don’t have to respect someone from the get-go. But if they open a door for you, respect them by saying thank you. If they give up a seat for you on the subway, respect them. Small actions like those command respect because although you may be a complete stranger, they’ve treated you with respect.

Respect Yourself

The most important part of respect is respecting yourself. No matter how smart, cool, rich, or athletic you may be, if you don’t respect yourself, then having the respect of others doesn’t make a difference. You won’t be happy. To respect yourself, you need to be comfortable with who you are despite your faults. You need to confident in who you are despite your failures.

The old way of thinking is effective when you want people to do what you say out of fear. If you decide to be intimidating, people follow you because they’re afraid of the consequences if they don’t follow you. This is fear – not respect.

A real man respects his world, others, and himself. And because of this, his world and others will respect him in return.

On Sharing and Contributing Your Ideas

Posted on by Kenway Du
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I’m starting to come to grips with the fact that I’m merely on the outskirts of the video production industry. And after a few years of producing video, I admit that I expected myself to be more successful – not only in terms of money, but also in terms of my portfolio, network, and exposure.

On my path of personal growth, I’m beginning to realize where I went wrong and what I’ll have to focus on to change my life around.

Sharing and Contributing

This issue was hard for me to deal with, even though I understood it in a logical sense. But whenever I learned or gained something valuable, I kept it to myself. And it’s ironic because my values are quite the opposite on an issue like a nation’s wealth (if the rich shared more then there wouldn’t be such a gap between the wealthy and the needy). But I held onto the little knowledge that I had gained because I was afraid of being exploited if I shared; that maybe someone with more resources could take my ideas and act on them quicker and more effectively, leaving me in the dust.

While I’m nowhere near where I want to be with sharing my ideas, I am not only understanding the concept but taking action as well. I’m doing it by writing (privately and publicly), tweeting, filming, and meeting up with others in the industry and outside.

Isolating Yourself

If you are unwilling to share and contribute, you are essentially isolating yourself. Because of poor exposure, nobody will know who you are and will not have much reason to talk to you. More importantly, people would rather ignore you because of your selfish attitude.

Sometimes you will run into people who will take your ideas and use it for their own benefit without any credit to you. All I can say is either act on your own idea first or prepare to do it better. Not the best advice, I know. I’ll update you guys if I figure out a better solution.

How to Lose a Friend in Ten Days

Posted on by Kenway Du
12

Do what I did. Neglect them.

I recently had a job interview where I was asked to name one thing I would’ve changed from last year if I had the chance. And while it’s true that I don’t live life with any regrets, I decided to entertain her with the most honest answer I could give: neglecting friends.

How did I lose my friends?

First, I distanced myself from the clubbing scene. And because of that, I missed celebrating friends’ birthdays. Of course I never meant to hurt anyone’s feelings by not dropping by, but there are two reasons why I never came:

1)    I don’t like getting drunk

I like the occasional drink, but anything past that and I’m known as an “angry drunk”. I’ll yell, confront, and even throw fists. And that’s not who I want to be.

2)    I’m not single

Girls can go to clubs with other girls because they want to dance, but guys don’t do that. We dance with girls. And yes I could bring my girlfriend and dance with her, but at this point in my life, I’d rather slow dance with her on the beach than grind with her in front of other people.

Second, I quit trying to put my foot in all these different worlds. You see, many of the university friends that I made turned out to be passionate about things like technology, web 2.0, social media, and the like. I did my best to be involved, like visiting offices, researching, and helping out at events. But the more and more I did this, the more I realized that I couldn’t identify with these things, so I stopped identifying.

So what am I going to do now?

I’ll do my best to keep in touch, but I’ve come to accept the disconnection. As I continue on my path of personal growth, I realize that I can’t and shouldn’t force myself to be somewhere. When that happens, friendships become more of a political issue than a natural occurrence.

What I need people to understand

I take most of the blame, but a friendship is a two-way street. So just from personal experience, here are two things people need to understand:

1)    I’m not the only one who disappears when I get into a relationship

You can talk behind my back, but I know what a lot of you are saying anyway. But it’s true; I do enjoy spending a lot of time with my girlfriend. But don’t be so quick to judge because you’d probably ask for the same type of understanding when you get into a relationship as well.

2)    It’s difficult without a car

Face it. A lot of you don’t even leave your house when your car is in the shop or your parents won’t let you take the car. Taking the TTC from east Scarborough is no easy feat, and is impossible when it comes to events that happen uptown.

Excuses aside, I want to stay in touch with everybody, but these types of relationships evolve naturally, and sometimes they end. Knowing that, I will never hold a grudge and will always be willing to grab a coffee to catch up. Just know that my life is different now, and I like the place that I’m in.

Needless to say, I got a little too personal in my interview.

The Mark of Manhood: Reconnecting with Your Family

Posted on by Kenway Du
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One of the marks of manhood that men often overlook is reconnecting with your family.

Last week, my cousin and her husband had a baby shower for their son’s one-month anniversary. His name is Ethan, and he’s the most precious thing I’ve ever seen. Joining the festivities were a few of the newly-made parents’ friends and a bunch of my relatives.

At earlier stages in my life, an occasion that involved spending time with my family and my relatives would be awkward. It was more like a chore, something that you had to do because of the fact that you were related. The baby shower, however, did not feel like a chore – not this time. I was excited to see my relatives, especially my cousins. It gave me a chance to rekindle, to relate, and to reconnect.

These are different times we live in. We all try so hard to network, keep up with our friends, and catch up on our TV shows that we often neglect the people we grew up with: family. I’m already 22, just past the stage of punking off my parents because of my need for teenage rebellion, but just before the stage of getting a career and starting a family. I probably only have a few years left to take the opportunity and spend time with my family, fill myself with generations of stories, and experience a type of love that is beyond understanding.

This is my challenge to you, and to myself: Reconnect with your family. Look back on that stage where you despised going out with your parents and realize that that immature time has past. It takes a true man to love his family. So reconnect.

The Lessons from a Two Year Relationship

Posted on by Kenway Du
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A little over a month ago (Jan 11, sorry for the punctuality again), Vanny and I celebrated our 2-year anniversary. So I wanted to share the news with you guys if you didn’t already know and use this milestone to tell you some important things I’ve learned about relationships. Although I could ramble on, I’ll do my best to keep it short.


1) There is no such thing as the 6-month mushy phase

Many people believe that after the 6-month mark, the mushy phase (the phase of utter infatuation) will pass and the real test begins. In my opinion, the fact that people keep bringing up the infamous 6-month mark pressures people into thinking critically about their relationship and deciding whether to end it or not. The same thing happens at 3 years supposedly. But to be honest, there are certain things in life where thinking critically is second to your emotions. So if the relationship feels right, do not let an artificial timeline pressure you into making important decisions.

2) There is no such thing as an easy relationship that’s worthwhile

Everyone in this world is unique, even identical twins. So if you think about it, relationships are bound to have differences that test your understanding, your loyalty, your commitment, etc. In fact, the more you love and care for someone, the more you want to be involved in their life and this increases the chance of friction. It the relationship doesn’t have friction at one point or another, that’s when you should question whether or not you two care enough about each other. Relationships truly become grounded when you are able and willing to work through the hard times with communication, understanding, and trust.


3) Don’t worry about the world

At the end of the day, heaven and hell (I don’t mean the religious afterlife) starts with you and your partner. The world adds complex dynamics that can definitely affect your relationship, but it’s the two of you that will decide to fight on or move on. The world will always be there, so get used to its constant presence and shift your focus onto what’s important.

With that being said, Vanny and I are happy about where our relationship is and are excited to see many more anniversaries to come.

Happy Valentine’s Day people.

Happy Belated 2010: Resolutions

Posted on by Kenway Du
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I’m a little late on the resolutions, but it’s an important time of change. These are resolutions that will help me move forward in my pursuit of being a Reneissance Man.

1) Keep in shape

Of course, an important part of feeling confident is keeping in shape. Although we’re used to giving many excuses for avoiding the gym, the only real problem is that we don’t have enough self-motivation to persevere through the sweat and tears (just a figure of speech – I certainly hope you’re not crying while you work out). The best way to get through it is to follow someone who does have self-motivation. And since you’re reading this blog, I know you have the Internet and you can search YouTube or download torrents of workout videos.

I just started something similar to P90x and my pecs are screaming in pain.

2) Take control of your health

It’s no secret that men avoid the doctor’s office at all costs. I know I did. We think we’re like Wolverine in the sense that even after we get injured, we will heal overtime.  Some men even fear stepping foot into the doctor’s office, afraid to hear the bad news because of years of neglect. Well, there’s no better time to turn over a new leaf than the New Year and take control of your health. Book an appointment, and more importantly, go to the appointment, or else one day all the avoidance will catch up to you.

I’ve already gone to the doctor’s once. Up next: the physiotherapist.

3) Build something

This one is simple and classic. Nothing makes a man feel more manly than building something from his bare hands. And tools, of course. Find something simple (a shelf, a remote control stand), plan it, build it, and lavish in your accomplishment.

I just made the first cuts into a board of press wood for my girlfriend’s nail-polish rack.

4) Travel

This one is about educating yourself, and there is no better way to experience things like going to another country and engulfing yourself in the culture. Not only can you meet people, but you can get a new perspective (physically and mentally) and it helps to get away from it all and clear your mind.

Last year I went to Niagara Falls, Vancouver, and Alaska. This year, I’m working on the Caribbean.

5) Do something you’ve been slacking on

Let’s face it. As men, we can pretty lazy creatures and continuously push things off. I’ll do it later. Later comes. Hmm, I’ll do it in a bit. A year later. Times just got busy. No more. Take control of your life and get what you want – no excuses. Maybe it’s a gym membership, visiting an old buddy, or renewing your passport.

For me, my goal is to enroll in driving classes and if I’m on a roll, actually get my G2.

Got a great resolution to add to the Reneissance Man’s list? Drop a comment!